One of the things that I wanted to do as a contributor on the Fort was review all aspects of the hobby…not just the games. This morning while sipping a cup of Joe I was letting “En Vogue” seduce my ears when I was struck with my latest inspiration for a review. Snack reviews. Yep. The things we put out to eat are almost as important as the game on the table. So welcome to the first ever F:AT Snack Review.
Choosing a snack for game night should be easy. You run to your local store, grab a couple bags of salty goodness and head home. That’s the easiest, bare minimum, move you can make. The problem is that all snacks are not created equal. Not by a long shot. With the recent “foodie” invasion big corporate snack cats are unleashing a bevy of unique and savory flavors to try out. My main advice when choosing some chips - get a little risky.
Don’t just grab the nearest bag of Lay’s potato chips or plain Synder’s pretzels. Take a few minutes and browse. If you happen to be at your local Aldi’s Supermarket then I implore you to pick up a bag of Pueblo Lindo’s Taquito Rolled Chips in the Chile Lime flavor. I know the name doesn’t inspire confidence and the cheapass $1.69 price tag is going make you second guess yourself. Just trust me. If you like flavorful snacks you need to try these things. Your mouth will thank me later. That’s not a euphemism to make out with me…um let’s continue.
When you first crack open the bag your nose will be bombarded with a strong, salty, corn chip, fragrance that has a kiss of lime. Reach inside the bag and you will find an alarmingly deep, blood red, rolled, taquito (some are rolled better than others). Pop that sucker into your mouth. Be prepared for a wave of INTENSE flavor. I’m sure you noticed before your first bite that the taquito was covered in a generous amount of flavor dust. These things aren’t for those with a weak palate. The first payload delivered to your tongue is the concentrated lime flavor. Immediately, a party consisting of lime takes over your entire mouth. You will almost pucker up as the taquito simulates the tart sensation of biting into an actual lime...juices and all. Just as quickly as the tidal wave of lime dissipates you taste the spicy chili powder. For me, it leaves the tip of my tongue with a slight burning sensation…like my taste buds have been beaten into submission. The whole ordeal is a shock to the senses and your first nibble is like a snack AWAKENING. Subsequent bites are less intense as your tongue has fully submitted to the flavor. If you’re a fan of salty, spicy, snacks then you just found your holy grail.
I know some people will be very anal about eating a red dust covered chip or tortilla snack around their games. Let me quell your fears by saying that the most of the dust remains on the taquito with only trace amounts on your fingertips. That surge of flavor assaulting your taste buds will confirm this. You won’t get “cheezed“ fingers like you were munching on Cheetos. If you’re completely averse to flavor dusted snacks you’ll want to avoid these. You’ll be missing out though.
I have no idea if these taquito snacks are unique to Aldi’s Supermarkets, but I have not seen them elsewhere. Man I’m glad I picked them up on a whim because they’ve become a favorite. Everyone that I’ve subjected them to seems to love them. They’re bold, unique and the perfectly priced. If I had the power I would dub these, “The Official Snack of Fortress AT”. They’re that damn good.
Feel free to point me in the direction of chips, tortillas or other snacks that I need to try. I’m always on the lookout for something new and exciting.
But I wouldn't put these out for games. Sticky fingers when you lick off the red powder.
//NO YOU CAN'T PLAY UNTIL YOU WASH YOUR HANDS ASS
///Actually you should probably just have a spare towel ready and let him know he needs to shower before sitting down at the table - 2 birds in 1 shot - No cheetoh dust and lessened ass crack aroma.