What POSITIVE CHANGES are you making in your life?

Glad you've come through to the (relatively) happy ending. Was wondering what happened to you. Missed you here.

Well, I cut the cord with the ex, for good, regarding her chaos. I let her come over and stay the night for Xmas eve and she got drunk and didn’t participate much in our traditions. Then on Christmas she did the same and both my girls were pissed off at Olympian levels. They both agreed that mom fucked up Christmas for the third year in a row.

So, she was going to come by and “finish making the gingerbread houses” the following day…and I straight up told her that she had better not darken my doorstep again if she’s going to be drinking, and both the girls agreed. She was livid and I explained calmly that her drinking has caused us enough distress and that unless we’re specifically having an event like a football game or party, no booze allowed, and also, if she does drink, the minute she gets out of control, her ass is catching an Uber.

She hung up and called both our kids, and both of them explained that she can’t just come over and be high or drunk and expect to be welcome. She came over the following day and did the gingerbread, sober-ish. Still high as shit on weed but that normal functionality for her.

She has been very distant since then. She ~finally~ admitted she hadn’t been faithful in our marriage (no shit, sweetie) and I let her off the hook on it as bygones so maybe she can breathe a little easier without holding onto the guilt…assuming she had any, which is bloody unlikely. She fucking smiled while she said it, so probably not.

Short version: my new position is “fuck chaos” because I have had 100% enough of her bullshit. Being the nice guy for 28 years is enough. I’m sure so many of you here will find great irony in that.

ubarose wrote: I've reconnected with a cousin with whom I have some shared childhood trauma (nothing salacious or abusive). We have been comparing notes, and discovered that our remembered lived experiences are very much the same, and rather different from what we have been told happened. For example, he was told that he broke someone's arm, but he couldn't remember doing it. I know for a fact that person never had a broken arm, but had also heard the same story. Anyway, we are processing our revelations and getting to a place where we are trusting our own memories, although we may never fully understand why others, who were adults at the time of these incidents, created and perpetuated these mythologies. Also, my cousin is quite relieved to have learned that he didn't do half the things he was told he did, and that he isn't insane for not remembering doing them.

This is stating the obvious and I don't need (or even ask for) any more explanation, but that's fucking weird.. I hope you two find your way to a place out of that.

So I don't double-post, Mezike I'd also noticed you'd dropped out of sight, and I'm glad you've come through to the other side. That all sounds hellish. My immediate joke is of course "but booze and pharma are also selling fun!", but I know what having a soul-crushing job is like and I'm happy you're excited about the new gig. We'd be extremely happy to get in a game of JC or something when you have the time. Glad things are looking up.

This would make a great episode of Reply All (rest in peace) or This American Life. Not to make light of your childhood.

My younger sister began babysitting for our crazy, wealth neighbor. Eventually she just moved in with them and they adopted her as an adult so they wouldn't have to explain her relationship to the wedding guests. She died of brain cancer at 33, and her adopted mom died while getting her final unnecessary surgery. Her adopted dad died shortly after. We have no contact with her kids, and her husband remarried. The end.

Cranberries wrote: --
So I went to the urologist and he is putting me on 500 mg of Levofloxacin, which is basically Cipro. I'm allergic to sulfa drugs (skin rash). My PSA test scored an 8, which is not crazy high, but he wants to treat my prostatitis so he can retest me in eight weeks. But Levofloxacin, like Cipro, can cause tendinitis and/or ruptured tendons, especially in woman over 60. I am a man in my mid-fifties, and just moved from doing PT to using the back machines at our campus gym, and so I'm worried my tendons will snap like winter rubber bands if I continue my workout routine. I only have about 20 lbs. on the machine. It is embarrassing, but I have discovered late in life that working out gives me a lot of energy during the day, so I need to figure out if I can continue, or just do cardio on the treadmill or what.

The incidence rate for tendinopathy is 0.1% to 0.01%, and the incidence rate for tendon rupture is less than 0.01%.Mar 5, 2019

Ok, so I'm just going to work out, to keep my back happy, but not increase my weights for a month.

Warning: Spoiler!

I have no idea how to work out, I'm just emulating the machines at my physical therapist because it pretty much eliminated ten years of low level back pain.

Update: Two weeks of Levo did not eliminate the prostatitis but helped a little. I need to get serious about it, maybe take some Japanese mushrooms and daily CBD oil.

I went to a new physical therapist today, and it was a great visit. He has me doing a lot of core bodyweight exercises and I am picking up a kettlebell from my son tomorrow for squats. Once I get my core strong I am going to focus on building muscle as a hedge against falling when I am older. PT also suggested I quit doing the torso twist machine, as a lot of patients have said that has been hurting their back. So planks, bridges, squats, etc. and I'll actually do them because my wife and I are going to the gym together, so peer pressure and boredom.

In other news, I have some mutated cells in my prostate. Depending on which country's definition you use, it's either cancer or a minor annoyance to keep an eye on. I really want to clean up the prostatitis so that I can get a clean PSA test. The numbers aren't increasing but they are bouncing up and down which is worrisome. I may live to be 75 instead of 92, so I'm mentally adjusting to that.

My PT also suggested I actually USE my standing desk that I blackmailed my work into buying, and since it hurts less than sitting I have started using it, and am typing this while I stand.



Note the huge snarl of cords.

I found this really cool photography book of early color photos by Stephen North for a dollar. Actually, it was dollar bag day. I love this stuff, and have committed myself to only shooting in RAW and in manual mode for a year, not counting my phone or Canon S95.



It has been nippy here in Orem, Utah, but the mountains make up for it, somewhat:



A student gave me that model F-16 on the right. I like it.



Finally, here is a shot of the farm behind our shiny, brand new library:



My 82-year-old mother lives her 30 year old autistic/smart/manipulative/mentally ill nephew.
Because my mother is a basket of trauma, she is pretty codependent and thinks she can heal him by being positive. Meanwhile her place is starting to resemble a crack house. Nephew is addicted to kratom. We don't say his name out loud while we are visiting or he will show up suddenly. My mom goes in for a lumpectomy on February 15th. I think she will be around for 5-10 more years.

It breaks my heart to see her spending her last years sitting in garbage, but like most traumatized hoarders, she will not change anything, and won't give us power of attorney. Her reverse mortgage is going to run out much faster than she realizes, but she will still have social security so will probably stay with us, because the alternative is two years in a poor care facility and then the sweet release of death.

My yearly theme (CPG Gray) is: Do the hard thing.

Oh, and my own autistic son is holing up after not registering for school this semester, so my wife and I are going to family therapy (without him) which is helping us get tips for helping him through his anxiety and also we are sort of learning to communicate. Sending most of the kids off to college frees up a lot of time and energy.

I'd like to conclude by thanking the makers of Adderall for the energy and motivation to write this.

The wife’s birthday is coming up, and we were going stir crazy what with the storms and earthquakes, so we got the heck out of dodge and are staying in a fancy schmancy resort in Mendocino for the weekend.

I recommend it: the Stanford Inn. Rustic, lovely, you can hear the ocean from the balcony outside your room. Also the llamas, which hang out on the grounds. There’s kayaking and bikes and massages and hikes and stuff. It’s pet friendly and room service will bring your dog a little biscuit every day.

That sounds lovely. Making a note. I'm in Santa Cruz, so the drive isn't *too* bad.

Two things have had a massive positive life impact recently. The first was asking for, and receiving a Kindle for Xmas. I've already read six books since getting it which is huge as paper books were something I'd never really make time for. I romanticised them more than actually reading them. Now I'm reading all the time.
The Kindle has also pretty much replaced Twitter for me. Which is a pleasing and unexpected benefit. My resolution had been to give Twitter up anyway as I don't agree with the new management but the Kindle made doing so a lot easier.

The second positive was buying a robot-vacuum cleaner. I'd been looking at them for a while and a recent sale pushed me over the edge. I had planned on picking up the second cheapest one but they only had the lowest entry model left so I just grabbed it. I didn't realise at the time that it didn't have programmable zones or room mapping or any of that clever, advanced stuff. I'd just assumed all these robo-vacs had that. But nope. We are now the proud owners of a real dumbass smart-device.
That said, it does do a fantastic job as it bumbles around the house each morning in a completely haphazard but surprisingly effective fashion. I work from home and having nice, clean freshly vacuumed carpets each day has made a real positive impact.
The joy of seeing a job well done that I didn't have to do myself is very satisfying.

Santa Cruz is my happy place. I grew up surfing Rio Del Mar. Played rugby there at tournaments too.

I feel like Long December is sometimes the story of my life

I lived in Santa Cruz (and Aptos) for a while. A nice place, although I can’t imagine what housing is like there now. Stupid NIMBYs were ruining everything even two decades ago.

I got an electric tea kettle for my desk and now I drink three cups of tea every day.

4 months later, with no one here making positive changes, I've upgraded to a fancy Japanese hot water dispenser. So I just fill it in the morning and I have perfect temp tea water on-demand all day.

I started mma a couple of months ago. It’s fun, but exhausting.