How's the DATING thing working for ya?

Inspired by Shellhead's recent dating story , and with my recent separation, I thought what better thread to start up than this. Hopefully a good place to share tips, stories or whatever.

TINDER has been awful for me so far. I don't think it's the right vehicle for what I want. I'm looking for something more serious and I think for something this superficial, I'm not going to be an attractive profile (literally as well). I should probably try Match.com which I've seen friends and good people have success with.

On the bright side, Friday evening I asked out the first girl since the divorce. Been working up the courage for months and finally pulled the trigger, all confident and stuff. Turns out she's married but I'm glad I did it. It's like a big step.

Had lunch with a co-op student yesterday who is super cute and is bragging about how she left her last boyfriend for an older guy at work, and then starts complaining about her current boyfriend. Seems like trouble, i better be careful

Anyway, all to say I don't think Tinder is all that. I've met only two interesting people through it and absolutely nothing materialized into anything real. I'm not as much looking for someone to sleep with as I am someone to wake up beside. I'm sure this app isn't for me.

It's interesting as my younger friends (early 30s) talk about the "hook up" element of Tinder, but I noticed that my age demographic (mid forties) not so much, which is fine. I'm not looking for that either, it's just an interesting observation.

OK CUPID seems to be a little better as you are matched up according to your answers on a number of questions based on a wide array of subjects. I've only had 1 date so far from it, no further dates are planned but we had a few things in common.

You're a good looking guy, Pat. Don't sell yourself short.

Thanks I tell ya, when you right-swipe dozens of women and you get ZERO matches, you start thinking you're a regular Gerard Depardieu.

Ok Cupid is good? I hear the relationships coming out of match.com seem to be the real deal but ya never know. I should probably jump onto one of those sites soon since it's the summer and stuff, but at the same time I'm really happy with the beat I got going on with Emily on weekends and stuff, vacations coming up so I feel no rush to find someone. Still, i miss being in a relationship at the same.

If I wasn't Catholic, I suspect I'd prefer the fun of casual sex/dating more than relationships. That whole waking up next to someone has a lot of merit and existential meaning, but when that same person who you wake up next to acts like a white hot asshole for what appears to be no reason other than your existence (generally 3-5 days a month), I find that people imagining creative ways of murdering said person is not so far-fetched.

yeah that stuff sucks and stuff but the highs outweigh the lows in my experience.

In the end, it's nice not to be alone.

It's ironic that my story inspired this thread. That night was such a terrible experience that I decided that I would be better off putting more effort into my long-term relationship that had been doing a slow fade in the last two years. And it turned out that just a little extra effort was just what we needed. We've had some good times in recent weeks, and now she has abruptly decided to move back in with me, possibly by the end of this month.

For what it's worth, we met through an online dating site, 13 years ago. I can't remember what it was called, but it's still around under a different name. I think it was eMode and is now Match.com. We both got hooked into the site the same way, via a free online IQ test. And the site had a lot of optional personality tests that could help make a better match. There was even a bonus feature where you could get a brief summary of the strengths and weaknesses of a potential match with another member, and those predictions about our relationship were uncanny in their accuracy. Back then, there was still a bit of a stigma about online dating, as though meeting random people in a bar was any more sensible or respectable.

Before that, I had two prior long-term relationships, and spent several years in the '90s dating a lot of different women. I had some really boring dates and some very memorable ones, but overall I would rather be in a serious relationship than dating around. A first date can often feel like a job interview, and both people are often bringing a big load of baggage to the table.

Black Barney wrote: Thanks I tell ya, when you right-swipe dozens of women and you get ZERO matches, you start thinking you're a regular Gerard Depardieu. .

That AND running out of users in your area are disheartening.

ME: Maybe if I extend my search area another km...oh I'm in another province, shit.

Hehe, I run out of users all the time and my range is huge and I live in a large metropolitan area. Brutal

I have had amazing luck with okcupid, both in the long and short term.

I don't recommend Plenty of Fish. The name alone practically ensures that people come into the site with a bad attitude.

My wife and I had met online back in 1999 (when that was still a novelty), so when she died in 2013 that seemed like an obvious route to take. Initially it was all a couple of specific singles sites based on my religion, but since I've transitioned away from that, I'm mostly on Match.com and OKCupid now (Tinder is junk). I've had numerous dates (most of them being both first and last dates), and also several relationships of varying degree. I ended one a few months ago that was about a year long.

Kind of got away from caring about dating too much for a while, but then just in the past two weeks I've had three very promising dates, including two second dates with another tomorrow. And those were from Match and OKCupid. Times of plenty and times of famine, and right now it's plenty.

I like the online dating thing for the ability to get to know someone pretty well ahead of time, and not waste any time going out if there isn't any real synergy there in terms of personality. Of course, you have to meet in person to know if there's any chemistry, and in that case you usually know something significant in the first 5 minutes, though not always... one woman I met I thought was totally wrong for me (and vice versa) the second we met in person, but we ended up getting together several times after that and having a lot of fun.

In some ways, things are exactly the same as in 1999, as far as the types of connections and rejections and all that, but it's also very different at 47 than 29, and with kids who are part of the package, and careers and houses and sometimes ex-husbands and custody and all that. Presumably, that stuff will work out if the right connection is made, but it has made it more complicated.

I have to find that Shellhead story now. And I'll second his pan of POF.

This thread is way too real and terrifying. Post-forties dating, death of a loved one, religion. I am in a 22 year old marriage and am almost fifty. We have four kids. My wife keeps planning our retirement, but I don't know that we enjoy each other's company all that much. Part of this is due to my issues with anger and anxiety, and part of it is her issues with anxiety and control, which drive me crazy, but because I'm a little mentally ill, I can't tell if she's being unreasonable or if I'm just perceiving her that way, which I'm not willing to explore because it's always embarrassing to discover that you're the ahole. [related]

The sheer terror of old fart dating is enough to make me want to work on my relationship. I've seen colleagues date students, and it is NOT PRETTY.

My mom's friend said it best: "My roommate is driving me crazy....and I live alone." I've been married 20 years in December and I'll be 41 next month, and we both have issues with different things - but they seem to complement one another. We came close to divorce twice, but at the end of the day, Pat said it right...better to tolerate the bad to have access to the good.