MICHAEL BARNES PROUDLY PRESENTS SECRET SATAN RIDES AGAIN 2022 - OFFICIAL UPDATE

Kero is a neat little game as well. Great looking pieces.

drappstar wrote: SATANCORP delivery received yesterday evening. I'd gotten missives on this message board from the org, so I was ready. I'd cleared out my recycling bins and garbage cans. I'd contacted Salvation Army and Goodwill to make sure they would be open during the usual hours. I'd gotten in touch with a local school where the kids always act shitty and walk slow when I'm trying to drive up to work to ask if they took donations. Everything was set for the delivery. And hell yes, SATANCORP did not disappoint. SATANCORP wrapped multiple packages in clearly labeled envelopes, each with a clue to the to-be-disposed of items. Sent along with a message written in Welsh that I googletranslated to read, "Here is some stuff, give it a sniff, and screw you." I love this season. Here's what they sent:

-a used ball cap from the Florida Marlin's 2003 World Series win - perfect for yours truly, the Yankee fan
-a bunch of candy, some of which might not be expired including a Chic-O-Stick, some non-red Twizzlers, a smashed up praline, and a bunch of blue lollipops
-a start to a DVD collection including Casper the Friendly Ghost, A Single Man, some "anime" called Monsuno, and a collection of old cartoons including Fleischer Superman. I'm going to make one of those YouTube microwaving CD videos with these!
-a necklace that looks like something you'd flash your boobs for in New Orleans
-a 1978 Japan Pro Fan Baseball Handbook - so close, I needed 1977
-a mug, shower cap, and notepad from the working desk of of Jones Wanker, er I mean Walker
-a Deep Sea Pinball game for the PC, will run perfect on my 386
-a bunch of games including The Oregon Trail Hunt For Food, Dark Matter, Exploding Kittens, Shark Island, a samurai one, an old Solo Ball baseball game, all of which are awesome, so awesome that I think I will be sharing them with others during next year's Secret Satan event
-And the serious hit for me, and I am not kidding in any way, a yellow construction vest. I am not joking, I'm going to hang this shit on my car window so I can park anywhere. Seems to work here in Chicago for everyone else.

Here's a link to the booty, and by booty, I mean the stuff that comes out of a booty:
photos.app.goo.gl/1z9v6SeULXNPRpk2A

Thanks for all of this SATANCORP, it was hilarious to read, receive, and put into hefty bags for storage.

Another successful Secret Satan round for the DRAPPSTAR household.

*This message not approved by SATANCORP.

So glad you enjoyed your castigation, DRappstar. I will have a supplemental surprise sent to you shortly. You will no doubt be thankful.

Also, for the THIS IS WHAT HELL TASTES LIKE pack, I tried to give you a culinary sense of hope-A Hubig's Pie. Alas, that is beyond even my fiendish power to provide.

This morning, USPS delivered a ton of kids' furniture meant for my neighbors. Satan?

Gregarius wrote: PS-- I can't seem to add photos. Whenever I try to attach them, it won't let me submit. Is there a better way?
Edit: Added photos
photos.app.goo.gl/BDy8PrnDyybJGm317
photos.app.goo.gl/LeA6VBSbtY6bZncC6

My preferred method is to post them at imgur.com and then right-click and select "copy image location" and use that info to embed them here.

Pasting the link does this: i.imgur.com/LBdYI8p.png

Clicking on the "image link" icon in the edit window and pasting in the link does this:

So it seems that ol' SuperflyPete needs some educatin':

Simpsons in Branson pt 1

Simpsons in Branson pt 2

Aaaah it’s like Pigeon Forge. Strip of attractions in the middle of nowhere to make hicks piss their coal mine money into the river.

Now I HAVE to play it

Virabhadra wrote: Sleeper hit with Tragedy Looper! Assuming all the cards are there...

I will most certainly call my memoirs Tragedy Looper

I will post more later, but Satan hand delivered his "gifts" to me tonight. And, like a child catching Santa by the stockings, I too caught Satan in the act. It was about 9:30 p.m. and, as I brought my garbage can to the street, I saw the pale glow of Satan's ride - an unnatural hybrid of fire and electricity - parked in front of my house. Out popped ol' Scratch - a succubus by his side - with a look of glee on his face as he pulled two trash bags full of despair from the depths. So stunned was I by his sudden appearance that I meekly accepted the bags; had I known then what I know now, I would have hurled them back into the abyss from which they came! Instead I carried the surprisingly heavy bags - a combined 45 pounds - back to my homestead and opened them ...

Satan's USPS demon arrived yesterday with a box that sounds like a maraca. The Mrs. refuses to let me open gifts from Satan, Santa, or my ex-girlfriend Sara until Xmas day. More later

The stink of sulfur permeated my house the instant I opened the door after a long day of work. There it was, the BOX. Summoning The Boy to perform his duty, we opened the box. To paraphrase Belloq from Raiders of the Lost Ark

"It's NOT BEAUTIFUL!"

I'll update this tonight. But for now, Fuck you, Satan. You teasing fucking fuck.

drewcula wrote: Satan's USPS demon arrived yesterday with a box that sounds like a maraca.

Fragile, liquid, perishable, potentially hazardous, and smelling like a doobie - The Postman's Delight.

Forelle wrote: I will post more later, but Satan hand delivered his "gifts" to me tonight. And, like a child catching Santa by the stockings, I too caught Satan in the act. It was about 9:30 p.m. and, as I brought my garbage can to the street, I saw the pale glow of Satan's ride - an unnatural hybrid of fire and electricity - parked in front of my house. Out popped ol' Scratch - a succubus by his side - with a look of glee on his face as he pulled two trash bags full of despair from the depths. So stunned was I by his sudden appearance that I meekly accepted the bags; had I known then what I know now, I would have hurled them back into the abyss from which they came! Instead I carried the surprisingly heavy bags - a combined 45 pounds - back to my homestead and opened them ...

The last line reads like the start of a letter to Penthouse.

drewcula wrote: Satan's USPS demon arrived yesterday with a box that sounds like a maraca. The Mrs. refuses to let me open gifts from Satan, Santa, or my ex-girlfriend Sara until Xmas day. More later

The most hated percussive instruments are a sure thing when I ship evil to the greatest den of evil, YOUR CURRENT TOWN!!

I suggest opening it on Christmas Eve, or, Satans Evil as I prefer to call it.

Rliyen wrote: The stink of sulfur permeated my house the instant I opened the door after a long day of work. There it was, the BOX. Summoning The Boy to perform his duty, we opened the box. To paraphrase Belloq from Raiders of the Lost Ark

"It's NOT BEAUTIFUL!"

I'll update this tonight. But for now, Fuck you, Satan. You teasing fucking fuck.

It seems my infernal assistant forgot to include my carefully constructed missives that were to accompany your sulfurous package. You’ll have to bumble through the gifts in your usual fashion.

Okay, it's taken awhile, but I'm sufficiently recovered from the noxious hell fumes coming off of the packaging to give a rundown of the wonders I received.

First, as I noted previously, I caught Satan in the act of delivering his infernal packages to my doorstep. A stroke of bad luck for him to be sure, but it saved Satan the burden of having to haul two heavy bags of crap to my front door. I went ahead and took a picture of the end result I'm sure Satan was hoping for (rather than the sordid-looking, middle of the night, hauling stuff out-of-the-trunk hand-off that occurred): What might have been.

I also want to give a special tip of the cap to Satan here because he wasn't just making a crosstown trip; he spent a few hours of his day making this delivery. That's dedication to seeing a thing through.

The first thing I noticed when I took the bags inside was the smell emanating from the packaging. At first I attributed this solely to Satan's apparent use of spray paint in labeling his gifts. However, even after I'd removed the bags from my house, an unfortunate odor still permeated the air. It turns out I was also being subjected to the smell of plastic coming off of 880 miniatures!

The heavier of the two bags - ~25 lbs - contained one copy of a Dreamblade Starter Set (minus the dice, it turns out) and 786 miniatures for the game. I am not familiar with the game having sufficiently distanced myself from all WotC crack before the turn of the century (man, I'm getting old), but Satan has essentially assured me that no real treasures lurk in the muck. Or, as I'm interpreting it in a way that old people like myself will understand, I am now the owner of 786 plastic equivalents of plague rats, hill giants and craw wurms. Satan has also assured me the omission of the dice was unintentional and will be rectified soon. I am actually interested in giving this game a go.

The other bag was truly a mixed bag of goods:

*94 additional miniatures and a heap of card packages for the World of Warcraft miniatures game, but not a copy of the actual game;

*a copy of the "complete first edition" set of Yomi, a game I actually like and own. This copy is missing the playmats and extra bits that came with this version so it's not quite "complete," but it's still playable;

*a copy of Prospero Hall's Top Gun. I'll certainly give this a play, but every time I've seen this on store shelves my thoughts just scream that it's all sorts of wrong - it's got dog fights! it's got volleyball! it's colored like an episode of Miami Vice! - ugh, no thanks;

*a copy of The Hills Rise Wild!, which a box quote describes as "A frenzied fury of hillbilly horror!"

*a copy of what appears to be a homemade labor of love from Germany: Welt der Winde, a game about hang gliding to an island in order to retrieve minerals (represented by real rocks in the game) because that's just what one does; and

*a copy of Dreamspell. It's hard to tell if this is actually a game or just some New Age hippie bullshit in a box. The game description on BGG states: "The Dreamspell Oracle of Destiny is played using the Galactic Compass, Oracle Board, Journey Board and Book of Kin included in the box. There is also a Color Cube and Solar Seal chips. Your goal is to gather the rainbow nation in order to re-establish harmony." The lone soul who wrote a review of it on BGG calls it an RPG and I'll have to take their word for it. Satan described it as having a likely destiny of just passing from "True Believer" to the next (20 people claim to own it on BGG, but I wonder if there's really just one copy that's getting passed from one person to the next). I'm thinking its future might actually involve reincarnation.

Finally, Satan also sent me an assortment of non-game items: 2 copies of Lurker magazine, various bits of assorted dross, and a package of cannabis infused gummies. The packaging says the gummies are useful as a sleep aid. I'm not sure why Satan included them because, honestly, the mere thought of actually trying to figure out Welt der Winde or Dreamspell makes me plenty tired.

Thanks, Satan!